


The Tale of Earl Grey and Love

by lagomgalen



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:48:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27147586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lagomgalen/pseuds/lagomgalen
Summary: "Just so we're clear. I'm never going to an actual hockey game with you" she chuckled. "You wouldn't survive an actual game, Stinson"The first six months of Barney and Robin's relationship. Canon compliant until the Season 4 Finale, after that it's AU.
Relationships: Robin Scherbatsky/Barney Stinson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 42





	The Tale of Earl Grey and Love

It all started the day when Ted was attacked by the goat. They argued and bickered about what they were - if they were anything - before ending up kissing. They agreed to go home together, intending to talk. He poured her a glass of scotch and pulled out two cigars. But the scotch ended up barely being touched and the cigars never being lit. Instead, she ended up in his bed, gasping his name.

He was just as good as she remembered.

-

They spent the first week in bed, only making exceptions to go to work and occasionally down to MacLaren's to see the others, and even then they would make excuses to leave early. One particular night, they had been placed next to each other, no doubt a trick by Marshall and Lily, and the proximity was slowly driving them both insane. It would take Barney years before he openly admitted to anyone other than Robin that he had become hard simply because of the smell of her perfume. He knew it was on purpose, that she knew exactly what she was doing to him and the slight smirk on her face only confirmed it. In revenge, Barney slipped his hand under the table and slid it from her knee upwards, slowly. She had decided to wear a loose skirt this evening, and he knew that she regretted it there. She cursed when he slid his hand up under her skirt, dangerously close to her panties. He buried his laughter into his scotch when she played of the loud cursing as a reaction to something Ted said. She was still fumbling with her words when he slid a finger into her panties and a small gasp escaped her. She managed to play it off as a yawn.

"You know," she said as Barney slid one finger over her folds. "Uhm I should really" he slid his index finger inside her and she swallowed hard. "Leave now. Yeah. Right now, I have a... thing". They left MacLaren's ridiculously early and with terrible excuses, but if their friends realized that something was up they didn't say anything. They barely made it outside of the bar before Robin turned around, grabbed Barney by the tie, and kissed him hard enough to bring out a whimper from him. "Not cool Stinson" she muttered, but the smug smirk on his lips wouldn't leave. Robin thought he looked ridiculously proud for someone as experienced as Barney.

They stayed apart until they got into the cab. There, Barney gives the driver directions while Robin kisses his neck. They are more handsy than she would've expected, not only in this cab but generally. They hold hands under the table at MacLaren's, hugs in the kitchen while making food between the sex, steals kisses when no one is looking. They don't address this part of their relationship, the domestic attraction. She doesn't know how he feels, and she doesn't ask, but she knows that this attraction, this domestic pleasure, is completely new for her. And it scares her.

They arrive at his place around 20 minutes later, and by the time they shut the door to his apartment they were ready to burst.

For Robin, sex with Barney was a beautiful way to act out all of her kinks without being embarrassed. He tries anything with her, loves having her in any way, shape or form. It feels safe as well as unnerving and exciting. Things she would never dream to try with anyone else feels completely natural with Barney.

Barney, on the other hand, has never had meaningful sex. He has done most of the things that he does with Robin, but it has never felt like this. The feeling that runs down his spine when she moans his name, the dizzy feeling he gets when she comes because of him. Just the post-sex cuddling is new to him. He has never, ever, cuddled after sex, always found it not only weird but also stiff and uncomfortable. He finds that he doesn't mind at all when it's Robin.

-

They actually sat down once and discussed what they were over coffee once. Saying that they defined their relationship would be a stretch, but it was better than nothing.

"I like you, Robin" Barney had started. "I like you so, so, so much" and it was the closest to sappy she had seen him. Ever.

One thing Robin had come to learn about Barney throughout their weeks as a... whatever they were, was that his blue eyes came in multiple shades. When they broke apart from their kiss at the hospital his eyes had seemed lighter than usual, clear as a summer day. When they had gotten into a fight for the first time his eyes had taken a more greyish color. When she would whisper dirty nonsense in his ear in public his eyes would become darker. When she came, crying out his name, his eyes became the darkest she had yet to see them.

Here and now though, they were light. Light and glittery. Not glossy, like when you have been crying. No, they seemed to glitter. He smiled and seemed so happy that Robin honestly considered running. She, Robin Scherbatsky, had caused Barney to look like that. She didn't know if they were exclusive. She really hoped that they were exclusive. She thought so, but they hadn't talked about it, and for reasons Robin didn't want to think about she didn't ask him. It would hurt so much if she learned that she wasn't the only one right now. He was for her, and she knew that no matter how this turned out he would be the only one for her for quite a while. There were so many things she wanted to ask, not only about exclusivity. What were they exactly? Were they going to tell anyone? What exactly did he want?

"I like you too" was all that came out. It sounded more like a whisper, and she felt ridiculous but judging by his smile the message came through. "Do you want to tell the others?" "Yeah" he answered, not even missing a beat. Robin's heart did that skip for him. "God yes Robin, I want to tell them. I want to show you off and kiss you in public. And I hate telling the guys that I am going to meet someone else instead of just saying that I'm going home with you. And God forbid Ted..." He trailed off, taking a deep breath, and Robin could swear that he blushed. "Whenever you sit next to each other in the booth he sits so close to you and I just want to tell him to fuck off". Robin had noticed to of course. Whenever Barney would be running late, she would be placed next to Ted in the booth and he had gotten increasingly touchy. Sat a little too close, had his arm behind her on the couch, and leaned closer to her whenever he was explaining something that happened to Marshall and Lily. She had tried to be clear that she had no interest in Ted, but he had always been a little persistent, especially if no other guys were holding him back. Robin had noticed that Barney always seemed a little off whenever Ted did this, and they always left earlier. She hadn't dared to call it jealousy, even though she had suspected it, but this confirmed it. It filled her with an odd warmth. Later, she would tease him to pieces about the fact that he was becoming the jealous type. But for now, she only smiled and said "Yeah, me too" which earned her a small, bitter laugh. He stared down into his mug. "However, I'm scared that if we tell them too early..." he looked like a frightened puppy, and she thought she knew what he meant. "If we tell them too early they will have opinions and burst this little bubble we've built," she said and he nodded. "So let's not tell them" he looked like he was going to object. "For a few more weeks, just until we get more adjusted to this ourselves. So we have something to put up against Lily's interrogations" He let out a laugh and took a content sip from his scotch. "Besides," she said, lowering her head and looking at him through her eyelashes in the way she knows works wonders on him. "The sneaking around at the bar is kinda hot, don't you think?" His eyes darkened immediately. He sat down his coffee with a thump and reached for her just as she did for him.

One hour later they were a sweaty but content mess in his bed, limbs tangled together, snuggled close in a gross way. He kissed her on the head and she was nuzzled into his chest.

"So," she said, and he hummed in response. "You're the jealous type?" she teased and he let out an embarrassed laugh. "Only for you Scherbatsky".

-

One night they don't even make it to the bedroom when coming back from MacLaren's, they end up having sex on Barney's couch. She on top, him looking at her like she is the goddess of his life, making her blush and groan. When they finish he excuses himself to get a quick shower and she slides on her underwear and slips into his shirt before turning on his massive TV. She switched between channels before stopping short on one, suddenly completely focused on the TV.

Barney came back into the living room to find Robin prompted in front of a hockey game between Vancouver and Montreal. "Scherbatsky, your Canada side is showing" he teased and Robin immediately shut off the TV, embarrassed. "What are you doing?" he asked, stunned that she would shut off the TV. "I was just checking how it was going," she said, not meeting his gaze. He went to his drink cabinet, poured them a glass of scotch each before moving to sit next to her on the couch. He grabbed the control from her hands and switched on the TV again. Looking over at her he found that she was staring at him, shock evident on her face. He kissed her and whispered "These things are important to you Robin, and I know nothing about it. I can't promise to enjoy watching it, but you are always welcome to watch hockey at my place, okay?" She simply nodded, before giving him a peck at the lips and turning towards the TV. He asked a few basic questions throughout the game. What team are we rooting for? Why is there a timer up there all of a sudden? Do you know how the league looks this year? How can they possibly see the puck, it's so small? But mostly he enjoyed watching Robin get all riled up at the TV. It was incredibly hot but also intimate in a way. Robin Scherbatsky was sitting on his couch, in his shirt, drinking his scotch while watching and commenting on hockey. When the game ended, she was so riled up that they went for a second round on that couch that evening. She wanted to remove his shirt from her, but he stopped her, wanting her to wear it while he fucked her, so she did.

Later that summer she would go to MacLaren's in that same shirt, but we get to that part later.

When they actually made it to the bed, hours later, he whispered into her hair. "Just so we're clear. I'm never going to an actual hockey game with you" she chuckled. "You wouldn't survive an actual game, Stinson" she teased, but there was no heat behind it.

-

There was this incident in mid-July. They came down to the bar together that day, Barney only entering minutes later for plausible deniability. Ted was at the bar getting drinks so they were able to score seats next to each other. They fell easily into conversation with Lily and Marshall. They were going on a vacation in a few weeks, over a weekend to Brazil and they were ecstatic. Barney had sneaked his hand under the table to find Robin's hand already waiting for him and he had to stop himself from leaning over and kissing her. He knew what that pull meant, and the fact that he didn't want to run from it was almost scary enough that he might run anyway. His thoughts were interrupted by Ted's arrival. He brought drinks, a wide smile, and news about this blonde chick by the bar who wanted to meet Barney. Barney looked over at Robin with wide eyes, as if saying that he didn't want to go. But Robin couldn't muster up the courage to look at him, only slipped her hand out of his and took a big gulp of her drink when he left the booth. Ted swiftly took Barney's place at the couch and started up a conversation as if nothing had happened. Because it hadn't. In their eyes, Ted had just wing-manned Barney, which was unusual but happened occasionally. For what felt like hours, but only was about ten minutes, Robin couldn't bring herself to look. She knew she would feel broken in a way she couldn't define if she looked at some hot blonde and Barney working his charm on her. She would never get that picture out of her head, so she kept her eyes firmly at Lily as she kept on talking about the trip. But then Marshall, who had zoned out of the conversation several minutes before, interrupted Lily mid-sentence. "Guys," he said, his voice quite uneasy. "Is Barney squirming?" They all turned to look, Robin too, and sure enough, Barney looked miserable. His smile was strained, he gulped constantly and he looked like he wanted to run away. And this wasn't his 'I'm trying to contain myself' squirming. No, this looked like whenever she wants to get out of Lily's activities without hurting her feelings. He really didn't want to be there, and it made Robin's heart beat a little faster. "Since when does that happen?" Marshall said and the other boy at the table shrugged. Lily simply smirked and said, "I don't know. I heard that he has a thing for brunettes at the moment". Robin met her knowing gaze and looked down into her drink, a deep blush rising to her cheeks. She could almost hear Barney saying really smooth Canada, really smooth. Marshall and Ted had gotten stuck in the conversation about Barney's record with blondes, something Robin really didn't want to listen to when Barney came back to the booth. His strained smile turned even stiffer at the sight of Ted, who sat ridiculously close to Robin. Robin had tried really, but by now she had one leg outside of the booth and he still scooted closer to her every once in a while. By now he sat with his arm almost leaning on her shoulder, and his body was pressed against her. It was infuriating, and judging by Barney's expression he thought so too. After some weak ass explanation about his lack of interest in the blonde, he excused himself, using his favorite explanation, the one he knew that they wouldn't question. "I have an important meeting with the North Koreans in the morning so I think I'll be heading out now." Whenever he used that excuse she knew that he really wanted to leave with her. So she excused herself and did.

"So she wasn't your type huh?" she laughed when they got into the cab but anything she wanted to say next was cut off by his lips, almost angrily kissing her. He kissed her hard, hungrily and she responded equally. He could've taken her right there in that cab, he wanted her that bad. But they made it into his elevator before he burst, pushing down her panties and putting them in the pockets of his pants. "Mine" he chuckled, eyes light and playful, and Robin found it incredibly hot. Any retort she might have had was drowned by him lifting her against the elevator walls and pushing two fingers into her. She moaned his name and he groaned in response, burring his face in the crook of her neck. Robin swore to herself to never wear pants around Barney ever again. By the time the elevator dinged she was so close to coming that she whimpered. He chuckled and led her into his apartment. She shut the door behind them before finding herself pushed up against it. He kissed her hungrily, and she was so tightly squeezed against the door that she barely could move. She was able to wiggle her arms out enough to reach for his coat and pull it off. When he released her to pull her towards the bedroom his eyes were incredibly dark. They left a trail of clothes on their way to the bedroom and when they reached his bed he tossed her unceremonially onto the bed. She moaned loudly when he dipped his head between her legs and was instantly reminded of why they never went to her and Ted's place. He worked exceptionally good and when she came just minutes later with his name on her lips he groaned.

"Please Barney" she whimpered. Robin Scherbatsky didn't beg for anything, ever, but she could not contain herself. He let out a deep groan and swiftly put on a condom and lined himself with her. Robin had never thought much of the old missionary, considered it dull and boring, but there was never anything dull about sex with Barney. She moaned in a way that was totally beneath her, but with Barney, it didn't feel embarrassing. "God," he said. "If anyone knew how you sounded right now Robin". She knew that she was blushing hard at this. "Want to show you off so badly, want to make sure that every guy knows that you're taken. That you're mine." She moaned at this and cried out "So mark me, Barney" and tilted her head. This was bigger than they wanted to admit. Robin didn't do hickeys, she found them tacky and beneath women in general. "Are you sure?" he asked, slowing down a little, finding her eyes. "Yes" she whispered, and she noticed how dark his eyes immediately went. He picked up his pace all while attacking her neck. By the time she came, she had a long trace of hickeys and bite marks over the left side of her neck.

Later that night Barney suggested that they go somewhere, clearly inspired by Marshall and Lily. A weekend trip to Europe or something. It was weirdly domestic, and Robin had always hated couples' trips. But she found herself positive to the idea. They settled on Stockholm, one of Barney's favorite cities and one that Robin never had seen, and planned to leave in October when the city was filled with orange leaves and fewer tourists. It filled both their stomach with warmth and joy, to know that the other didn't seem to have any plans of leaving anytime soon.

When they got ready for bed Robin inspected the work she had done on Barney's back, suggesting that he should go to MacLaren's without a shirt to show the guys that he was taken. He only laughed and promised her that the day Ted was hitting on him he would.

-

Barney was at the bar first the night after, and Robin walked in second, knowing that he was early to make sure that he got to see Ted's face when he saw Barney's masterpiece. Once again she was met by the possessive, jealous side of Barney and it made her blush to know that she brought out that side of him. She sat down opposite him and raised her eyebrows at his smug smile. "You are enjoying this aren't you?" She asked and he chuckled deeply. "Not as much as I will when Ted gets here". Robin could've sworn that Barney was blushing, but before she got a chance to question it Lily and Marshall came in. Robin excused herself quickly to get them drinks, knowing that her departure would mean that they would sit down on her side and she could slip in beside Barney when she came back. She ordered scotch for her and Barney, wine for Lily, beer for Ted, and that weird girly drink that Marshall like so much, before turning around to head back to their booth. Just as she set down the plate on the table she saw Ted entering the bar and she slipped in next to Barney just as Ted arrived at their booth.

"You guys won't believe what happened at work tod..." he stopped mid-sentence when he saw Robin. That caused Marshall and Lily to look over and their shocked faces mimicked Ted's in an extremely satisfying way. Barney glanced over at her and took a good look himself, and she was so beautiful that he almost couldn't contain himself. All he wanted was to kiss her right then and there, but he settled for finding her hand under the table and giving it a good squeeze. "When did that happen?" Marshall said, and Barney and Robin froze. They hadn't really thought Robin's excuse through, and now they had nothing to say. "It's really going places with that hockey player isn't it?" Lily said and met both Barney and Robin's eyes with a grin on her face. Barney was reduced to a blushing mess at this but Robin just jumped on the train. "Yeah, I think I really like him" "Wow" Ted simply sighed. "I know right," Marshall laughed. "Who would have thought that there would be a man out there who Robin would allow to do that?" he gestured to her neck. It was true, Robin had been very open about her dislike for hickeys, which only inflated Barney's ego further. "When do we get to meet this mystery man?" Lily smiled and Robin simply chuckled. "Perhaps the day Marshall stops drinking Appletinis" and the conversation drifted from there. Throughout the evening Robin caught Ted staring at her neck several times, and she felt oddly exposed. But he kept his distance and they stayed longer than they had for weeks, Barney clearly thriving in those looks from Ted.

-

Until the end of July, they would always make a stop at Robin's before going to MacLaren's to give her a chance to not show up smelling like Barney. If Ted wasn't there he would come with her, if Ted were there he would kiss her goodbye outside of his building and see her at MacLaren's later. They always felt incredibly silly, kissing as if he were signing up for the army or something when in reality they would see each other in a couple of hours.

This was their almost daily routine, until one day when Robin picked up Barney's light blue shirt - the same one she had sex in a few weeks prior - of the floor, putting it on, tugging it into her jeans, and putting her hair into a quick updo, all while Barney stared from the bed. She caught him staring and smiled. "Are you going to get ready Stinson? Or do you want to go to MacLaren's like that?" she gestured to his very much naked state. He jumped out of bed, put on his pants before going up to her in the bathroom, where she was salvaging her make up, hugging her from behind, smelling her hair. "You are so beautiful, Robin" he murmured and it sent shivers down her spine. He locked eyes with her in the mirror while she re-applied some lipstick. "Are you sure that you want to go down to the bar like this? You smell like me, and I'm not complaining, but..." he trailed off. She turned around, running her hands over his bare torso. "I don't think they'll suspect anything," she said. "I have this hockey boyfriend that has this amazing cologne" he laughed openly at this. "Do your hockey boyfriend know that you're here?" she faked shock. "Shit, I should probably call him. I haven't even texted him since he gave me those hickeys!" They laughed and he kissed her, adoration running through him.

-

They had some issues throughout their summer.

The first one was that every once in a while she would wake up in the middle of the night because of Barney trying to sneak out the window in his sleep. The first time it happened she had been offended until she realized that he was asleep. She had told him to get back to bed, so he did, still mostly dressed and snuggled close to her. The morning after he had been extremely embarrassed and apologized profoundly and Robin had told him that it was okay. Then it kept happening and Robin found it exceedingly annoying.

Then there was the fact that Barney could be cold at times. He could say very inconsiderate things, be awfully cold towards her. When she was sad for any reason he would just leave.

All of this prompted their first really big fight. They yelled, she threw things at him, most notably a plate. She told him that she hated these things about him and he accused her of trying to change him into Ted. It all ended with her leaving, slamming the door behind her on her way out. She hailed a cab in stride but cried the entire way home. As soon as she got through the door she was a weeping mess, Ted there trying to calm her down. Somewhat later he called Lily, who came scooping in with ice cream and hugs. Ted would never understand how girls communicated, he was just happy that it seemed to work on Robin. They didn't get many details out of her, but between sobs, she managed to tell them how she had fought with her 'Hockey boyfriend' and how she thought she might have blown in. "I really, really, really like him" she sniffed. "And now he will leave and find some hooker or something". Around this time Marshall arrived with alcohol and they drank together. Ted, Lily, and Marshall kept on bashing 'Hockey boyfriend', blissfully unaware that it was Barney, but Robin couldn't bring herself to join in.

Then there was a knock on the door and for a millisecond Robin thought that it might be Barney, both hopeful and scared out of her mind. But it wasn't, it was a flower delivery. In his hand was a large, beautiful bouquet, but what struck out to Robin was the messiness of it all. This wasn't a professional's decision of flowers. No, Barney had put this bouquet together himself. Ted was the one who took the flowers from the delivery man and handed them to Robin. All eyes were on her but all she could focus on was the little card in the middle of the beautiful arrangement. She picked it up with shaky fingers and read it.

_Robin_

_I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said. Not a single word._   
_I know that I'm terrible at this, and I understand if you believe me to be a lost cause, but I am trying. I promise._

_I'm so sorry_

_Hockey boyfriend_

It was written in his handwriting, confirming Robin's suspicions that he actually had gone to a flower shop, not just calling his flower man. If she was able to form complete thoughts she would have been worried that her friends, who were reading over her shoulder, would recognize Barney's handwriting. She sat still for a few seconds, before being abruptly brought out of her thoughts by a giggling Lily. Robin eyed her but she simply shrugged. "I'm sorry, but this is one of the cutest notes I have ever seen". Lily was right, especially considering it was Barney who wrote it. It was obvious by now that Lily knew, but she hadn't said anything, and Barney and Robin had not confirmed or denied anything.

Robin had tried leaving right then and there, but her friends insisted that she sleep of the worst of her drunkenness before she left, so she did. But she still woke up at 4:30 AM and left quickly. She left a short note for Ted, thanking him for his support and telling him not to worry about her but that she might not come home tonight. Then she went downstairs, hailed a cab, and told the driver Barney's address. Robin was way more nervous than she would like to admit, and it only got worse the closer to Barney's place she got. By the time she knocked on his door, she was one big bundle of nerves. When he didn't answer she knocked again and this time he answered after just a few moments. He had been sleeping, she saw, which was a reasonable thing to do at 5:00 in the morning. His hair was a mess and he was only wearing a pair of pajama pants. "Hi" she whispered and he gave her a nervous smile. "Hi". She took a deep breath, not knowing what to say next. "Do you have a girl in there?" she mentally cursed herself for saying something so stupid, but he just laughed and stepped out of the way to let her in. She took in the scene in front of her. The plate she had hurled at him the night before was still shattered on the ground by the refrigerator and it looked like he had downed an entire bottle of scotch by himself. It also looked like he slept on the couch, and he must have noticed her looking because he said; "The bed smelled like you". Instantly he slapped a hand over his face, but even then Robin could see the blush spreading over his face and neck. "I'm sorry," he said. "I must've had too much to drink". Then he felt his hand being removed from his face and felt how close Robin had gotten before he could even see her. Then she felt her lips on his and he sighed into her mouth. This kiss was different from their other kisses. It was hungry, but not hot and sexy. No, this kiss was full of - God forbid - romance, even if none of them were ready to admit it yet. His hands never wandered anywhere except for her hair and back and hers were firmly set on his cheeks. Eventually, they pulled away enough to look at each other, still holding onto each other for dear life, heads resting against each other. "I'm so sorry, Robin" Barney whispered. Robin shook her head. "No Barney, I should apologize to you" "No you shouldn't" "Yes I should" "No you shouldn't"

They sit down at the couch and talk, actually talk. She tells him how much it hurts her when he gets cold towards her when she is sad, and he tells her how much it freaks him out to be around sad girls, how he never knows what to say or do. He also tells her how hard he finds it to read her, and how scary it has been to try and figure out how to do it right. So instead he had just switched off, going into classic Barney mode, and left. She admitted to not talking about it in fear of scaring him off. Halfway through their talking, they make coffee together in the kitchen, still talking.

In the end, they decided on a few new rules. More talking about things, which was hard for both of them, generally being closed and cold people, but they agreed to try. They also agreed on a new safeword and after a few suggestions, they settled for earl grey - the tea that none of them liked, it felt symbolic like that. Barney had suggested that they used the same safe word that they had in bed, but then they realized that they didn't remember that safe word, so earl grey it was. It had some similarities to Marshall and Lily's pause, with a few alterations. It could be used at any time and meant that no one was allowed to leave until whatever was up was resolved. It could also mean Help I don't know what I'm doing to be used mostly by Barney when he freaked out. All of this felt monumental, and so unlike Barney and Robin that they both wondered if anyone would believe them if they heard about this day.

As for the trying to sneak out in the middle of the night thing, they both agreed to just pray that it would stop. They couldn't do much about it anyway. Then they cleaned up the plate together and it all felt so very... Ted, which Barney nervously pointed out, scared she would be offended, but she just laughed and agreed. "You know what doesn't remind me of Ted?" she said, reaching for him and pulling him closer by the waistband of his pants. He gulped and shook his head. She smirked before bringing one of her hands to his, now obvious, erection. He groaned a little and her face turned wicked. She dropped to her knees, bringing his pants down with her. "This," she said, looking him in the eyes from her place on the floor. If he had any brain capacity to spare he would joke about how his penis definitely was superior to Ted's, but out came a loud moan, and he knew that he was a goner.

Afterward, when they lay in his bed, she mentions the flowers. "Uhm..." he stumbles and she feels him wanting to pull back and run so she grips a little tighter. "I loved them. They were beautiful", she feels him letting out a small sigh of relief. "It was a good call to not write your name though. Everyone was there" "I figured" he chuckled and nuzzled his nose into her hair, breathing her in (another thing that Robin usually found creepy, but she didn't mind it when Barney did it). "Don't mind my scent now do you?" she teased but he just shook his head. "I have no objections to my bed smelling like you right now Scherbatsky" and she was filled with warmth.

They never settled for a safe word for the bed.

-

It's almost ironic when they get caught. Because they don't really get caught, but they kind of do. Does it count if everyone already knew?

It's early August and they were all sitting in their usual booth at MacLaren's when Lily ordered in tequila and called for a round of shots. They were celebrating Lily and Marshall's decision to move towards having children. They did two, big shots each and this combined with their earlier drinks left them all a little tipsy. In hindsight, both Barney and Robin would realize that they should've noticed how not tipsy Lily was, considering how sensitive she was to alcohol. But the tequila made Barney and Robin a little cocky as well as impatient, so when they left they didn't hail their usual cab - they moved upstairs to Robin and Ted's apartment. There was no reason to expect Ted to come up anytime soon, but they still waited until they were in Robin's bedroom to even remove their jackets.

The sex was amazing, of course, they're awesome after all, but that's not the point. The point is that agreed to go to his place, so they got dressed and Barney went to get a glass of water while Robin packed her bag, only to be met by the entire gang in the living room.

"Earl Grey!" Barney shouted on instinct, his entire body frozen in place. Out running came Robin, who also stopped short at the sight of her best friends sitting on the couch, staring at them. Without breaking eye contact, Marshall moved to give them his space at the couch, patting the place with his hand as he moved. They sat down between Ted and Lily, Robin closest to Lily and Barney closest to Ted. Everyone was silent for what felt like hours before everyone started asking questions at the same time, making them unintelligible. Barney instinctively reached for Robin's hand and she gladly took it in hers. And when the others saw this small action, they turned completely silent. Then Lily squealed and the questioning started in a more refined way.

"When did this start?" Lily started, and Barney relaxed a little bit. This he could answer, and he turned towards Ted. "When were you attacked by a goat?" he was met by collective gasps, making him wonder if he was wrong. "That long?!" Lily gasped and Robin and Barney simply shrugged. What were they supposed to say to that? "So you're Hockey Boyfriend?" Ted said and this turned Barneys blood cold. He had never reflected on the Boyfriend part of their excuse, and they still hadn't talked about it. But yeah, he was that guy, after all, so he nodded. He was surprised to see Marshall of all people raising his hand for a fistbump. "Beautiful flowers, man" and Barney couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped him at that, making him relax a little.

"Why didn't you guys tell us?" Lily whimpered, and she looked kind of beaten, so Robin reached out her free hand to take Lily's. "We barely know what this is yet Lily" she breathed. "We wanted to be more comfortable before we told you guys". This made Marshall very uncomfortable and he started stammering about how much of an invasion of privacy this intervention was (that's when Barney realized that they had put up the intervention banner) but Lily and Ted told him to shut up, so he did. After that, it was mostly a mixture of complaints on their secrecy and praises and hugs. They seemed quite happy for Barney and Robin, even Ted.

They ended up going home to Barney's anyway, but for the first time they openly made out while waiting for the cab, perfectly aware of their friends staring but not caring. "I really can't believe it" Barney laughed when they climbed into the cab. "They're our friends, of course they would stage an intervention" Barney shook his head at that. "No, the fact that they didn't question why I yelled Earl Grey when I left your room"

When they entered the elevator in his house she leaned up to give him a short kiss, but he leaned into her, and soon enough they were in a full-blown make-out session. It was slow and savoring and there was no rush. When they entered the apartment he pulled her into his arms, kissing her while sliding his hands into her hair. They were giddy in a way that was so unlike them, but they were two bundles of smiling messes. It took them record long time to remove all of their clothes and crawl into bed. He sat with his back to the headboard, her in his lap as she rode him. It was slow and steady and filled with loud moans. He whispered repeatably about how incredibly beautiful she was and touched her anywhere he could reach. When she came around him he could have told her those three, large words, right then and there.

Afterward, she lay with her head on his shoulder, drawing circles on his torso with her index finger, him holding her close and kissing her hair and Robin couldn't hold in the question any longer.

"Barney?" she whispered and he hummed. "Are we exclusive?" he stiffened instantly and she braced herself for what she thought would come. "What?" he asked, clearly shocked. "Monogamous, a two people party, exclusive" she really didn't want to drag this out any further than she had to. "I thought so," he said, fear dripping from his voice. "But uhm... if you've been with someone else then I'm not mad. I mean we didn't actually specify what we are s..." she shut him up with her hand. "There is no one else" she whispered and she could feel him relaxing, his eyes meeting hers. "Wait," he said, the smile vanishing from his lips. He scooted down so that he was eye to eye with Robin. "Was this worrying you?" Robin had never known how badly she could blush until she met Barney. She figured that her silence spoke for itself, cause Barney continued without her. "There is no one else, Scherbatsky" he assured her. Now that she had started she couldn't stop herself. "Would you want that? A more... open relationship?". Barney frowned. "Robin" he began, clearly trying to figure out what to say. "I don't want there to be anyone else. And I'm not going to lie to you, it scares me. I'm not a relationship guy, everyone knows that. But I haven't felt any sort of pull towards other women since we kissed in the ER. No other girl measures up to you, Scherbatsky." He kisses her swiftly at this. "So no, I don't want an open relationship. Because not only would I not get anything out of it, I'm apparently the jealous type and the thought of you with another guy?" he shudders and Robin can't help but smile. "Okay?" he whispers. "Okay."

He tries to climb out of the window again that night, but this time Robin only laughs as she pulls him back down. And then he murmurs "Mine. My girlfriend" into her hair and she is filled with so much joy that she thinks she might burst.

-

The first time any of them uses girlfriend or boyfriend in public is when Barney's has a guys night with Ted and Marshall at their apartment. Lily and Robin had decided to spend the evening just the two of them, grabbing a few drinks and talking. The girls were tipsy when they got back to Ted and Robin's place, the boys were wasted. Ted was wearing his red cowboy boots, dancing through the living room without music, Marshall was playing hockey in the kitchen (almost hitting Lily and Robin with the puck when they enter the apartment), and Barney was cuddling a miniature R2D2 on the couch. Robin managed to get a few really cute pictures of Barney before attempting to get him home to his place, and that's when it happened.

"Come on, Barney. Let's get you home" she had whispered. "No" he groaned when she tried to pull him off the couch. Robin realized that she wasn't going to be able to drag him home if he was going to resist, so she went to plan B. "Come on Barney" she leaned in closer to his ear and seductively proposed "Take me home to your place", making sure that she sounded as seductive as possible. "No," he said, pushing her off. "I have a girlfriend".

Everyone stopped short at that, even Marshall and Ted, and stared. Barney Stinson had just refused a seductive girl who openly suggested that he took her back to his place. Lily recovered first. "She's there Barney. Robin's at your place waiting for you" and Barney instantly sat up, his eyes still drooping but he shakily made it to the door. Robin followed him out and the last thing she heard before shutting the door was a loud crash and Lily's swearing.

She managed to push Barney into a cab and gave the driver Barney's address. The cab ride felt ridiculously long, especially since she was trying her best to keep Barney awake. But after much effort, she finally dragged him into his apartment. He kept on insisting that he would take off his clothes by himself, kept murmuring about his girlfriend. So she let him undress himself, which took forever. Then she undressed and put on a t-shirt from his drawers and lay down beside him, carefully keeping her distance, but that didn't help. "Out" "What?" "My bed, only one girl allowed. My girlfriend. Out of my bed", he slurred and she sighed as he started kicking her. It had stopped being cute quite awhile back. But she obliged and left the bed. She considered going home, but it was the middle of the night and she didn't want to leave him like this. So she grabbed her pillow and a blanket and headed for his couch. By now she was irritated at best, but she couldn't help but smile at how he had acted tonight. Barney Stinson, a loyal boyfriend. She fell asleep with a giddy smile on her lips.

"Robin, why are you sleeping on the couch?"

Robin woke to a dazed Barney, standing in the middle of the living room, clearly hungover. She checked the clock and realized that it was only 8:30 AM. She laughed a little, but Barney looked almost frightened. "Did I do something?" and he looked like he was trembling when she invited him to sit next to her on the couch. "Quite the opposite, Stinson" she laughed, and then she told him everything. How she had shown up at Ted's apartment to find him blackout on the couch. How she had attempted to bring him home and how he, repeatedly told her to get lost because he had a girlfriend, and how he only agreed to go home when they told him that she was waiting there. How he had muttered about his amazing girlfriend the entire cab ride home. Throughout the story, Barney got gradually redder, but when she told him how he literally kicked her out of his bed he looked ashamed. "I'm so sorry Robin," he said but Robin only shook her head, now on the verge of laughing. "Don't be. I mean, it was annoying last night and when you kicked me out of bed I was ready to strangle you" he laughed at this. "But it was also quite... sweet" he grinned at this. He kissed her then. "So do you believe me now when I say that I don't want any other girls?" she laughed out loud at that. "Hell yeah, if you won't go home with this" she gestured to herself. "Then why would you go home with anyone else?" He chuckled, nodded, and kissed her again. "No one measures up to you Scherbatsky".

A few months later Robin would make the picture of Barney hugging R2D2 her phone's wallpaper.

-

The guys have a lot of opinions about their relationship, of course. And it manages to mess a few things up every once in a while.

They try to be more like Lily and Marshall, they are the perfect couple after all. But they get bored, confused, and fight over small things. They try to do the same couple-stuff that Marshall and Lily do but they end up hating it. They go to some sort of couples resort that Lily recommends and ends up despising it, hiding in their room like babies. This boosts some insecurities in their relationship and brings on several arguments that have their roots in their messed up view on relationships.

One specific fight in the middle of September ends with another broken plate and a Robin moving towards the door, ready to leave when Barney yells "Earl Grey!" and they end up resolving that fight. After that, they realize that their safeword actually works best for them. They also agree to stop measuring themselves against Marshall and Lily. Robin jokes and says that if she wanted Marshall she would go and get him, Barney laughs and tells her that she totally could take on Lily. After this, their fighting slows down and their fights become less intense.

They never tell the others about their safe word. Earl Grey ends up being their little secret, and they like it that way. To the others, they just say that they fight until they get tired of fighting, and then they have sex, which is in a way what is happening. The gang doesn't approve, of course, telling them that they're being idiots, but they know better. Maybe they're not the generically best couple, but they consider themselves pretty awesome anyway.

-

They head to Sweden in the middle of October, roaming the streets, buying stupid souvenirs in Old Town. He takes her to weird museums during the day and they laugh at ugly paintings and weird exhibitions (they see one about the human digestion system where you walk through a body) and during the evening they go to odd but wonderful restaurants. They take the subway around, enjoying the fact that there are so few people on it, in comparison to New York. They're staying in a beautiful hotel with a very comfortable bed, which they put to great use.

One night, when they stumble back into their room after dinner, something feels different in the air. They both feel it, and it stays all through sex, their scotch and cigars on the balcony, and then their second round in bed. She feels it in her stomach, the warm feeling, the glitter, and flutters that she hasn't put a name on yet when she slides into bed next to him. He looks at her with light blue, glittery eyes when he speaks.

"I love you, Robin"

She thought she would want to run. She thought that she would feel trapped and panicked and scared out of her freaking mind, but all she feels when she looks at Barney's nervous face is warmth and burning sensation.

"I love you, too"

They go for a round three after that, and Robin really should ask him sometime how he manages to have the energy for three rounds.

-

They get back to New York Monday evening, and after a quick shower at Robin and Ted's place, they head down to MacLaren's to meet the others. They tell them about some highlights, and it's clear that the gang doesn't believe that the trip went that smoothly even though they're not saying anything, but Robin and Barney don't care. Their trip was awesome, and they know it.

Even though they've spent every minute together for four whole days, they still leave together and heads for Barney's. There's no heated making out, not in the cab nor in the elevator. Just some holding hands, hugs, and closeness. She makes tea while he unpacks and they watch an episode of some stupid sitcom together on the couch. It's all wonderful and adorable and so filled with love. And Robin doesn't think much of anything, allowing herself to be content and relaxed at that moment. Then they head for bed, him taking the bathroom first.

The thought struck Robin first when she opened what had become to be known as her drawer. She hasn't spent the night at her and Ted's place for over three weeks. She has all her favorite clothes here, and a cupboard in the bathroom with her make-up. If she were to go home, she would pack an overnight bag with her stuff from Barney's, not the other way around. She's standing in front of the drawer, frozen and frowning when Barney comes out of the bathroom. "Robin?" he asks and she takes him in. He is only wearing a pair of flannel pajama pants that he got from Marshall as a joke last year and never would admit to the others that he likes. His hair is ruffled, he has a little toothpaste in the corner of his mouth and he has a light stub on his cheeks. And she loves him. "Are you okay?" he smiles and she must look ridiculous. He reaches for her, still smiling but stops short when she says "Do you want to move in with me?". She curses herself for being so blunt, but he only smiles. "I'm not sure Ted would appreciate it. You tend to be very loud in bed Scherbatsky" she slaps him playfully on his arm. "But" he continues, running his hands over her arms. "If you wanted to move in here, I guess I could clear out a few more drawers". She smiles at him and kisses him. "Deal," she says before moving around him and heads into the bathroom. When she comes out again Barney's sitting on the end of the bed, clearly thinking. He looks up at her, and he's smiling, but his eyes tell a different story. She sits next to him on the bed, never breaking eye contact. "You're freaking out right now, aren't you?" He sighs, looks down into his lap, and gives a small nod. "There is no rush Barney, you know that right? It was a spur of the moment thing, it is okay to draw back your offer" He shakes his head at this. "No, I want you here. It's just..." He sighs, looks her in the eyes before kissing her head. "It's just a really big step for Barney Stinson, and you should prepare for some freakouts" and she nods. She can handle that.

She moves out of her and Ted's place two weeks later, and it's evident that their friends don't approve of the - to them sudden - decision, but it's okay. They all help moving Robin's stuff over to Barney's place, which is a crazy small amount of things. The fact that there is no moving out party shows how much their friends don't believe that this arrangement will work, but Barney and Robin don't comment on it. They can think whatever they want.

The first two weeks of living together go by very smoothly. They only evoke the safeword twice, once over laundry and once over dishes. But otherwise, they enjoy it. Barney doesn't feel suffocated once, just happy to have her there. And whenever he needs a moment alone for any reason, there is plenty of space in the apartment. But then Robin accidentally pushes a button to one of Barney's systems, and suddenly all she can see is the apartment in which he made all of his big conquests. Barney is able to calm her down a little when he comes home that evening, but when she finds the bag of panties labeled 2008 while unpacking her last box everything bursts. He finds her in the walk-in closet, on the floor crying. By now, it doesn't help that he takes the bag and throws it in the building's garbage disposal, the damage is done. She tells him how she only sees the player Barney in this apartment now, how it feels like there's no place for her there, how anywhere she is in the apartment she can visualize all the girls that have been there before her. It doesn't matter how much he tries to reason with her, she wants out now. When she grabs the handle on the door he yells Earl Grey and she stops short in her tracks. She turns around, walks up to him, and gives him a long, relishing kiss. "I love you Barney" she whispers into his lips. "But I need to get out of this apartment" and with that, she leaves.

She heads back to Ted's place, knowing that her bed's still standing there. Ted doesn't question her, which both annoys her and makes her glad. She doesn't want to talk about it, cause she knows what he's thinking. It wasn't like Robin didn't know about Barney's previous girls or the things that had happened in that apartment, and Ted would point that out to her. So they don't talk about that, instead, they drink beer and talk about Ted's latest girlfriend. Robin can't help but wonder why Ted's history with girls never even crossed her mind when they dated. "Are you happy Robin?" Ted says and his voice is filled with that annoying nice guy caring that only Ted can manage, but she answers honestly. "I am" she sighs. "I think that's why this hurts so much, I really love him, Ted". "And he loves you?" she laughs at this. "I certainly hope so, he said it first". Ted makes an off comment about Barney being capable of love, before telling her that even though he thought that Robin could do better than Barney, he only ever wanted her to be happy.

She sleeps alone for the first night in six weeks and wakes up cuddling a pillow.

Around 9:00 AM the following morning, while she's eating breakfast with Ted, there's a knock on the door. Ted goes to open it and finds Barney there, fully awake and with eyes that scream I'm on a mission. "Come on Scherbatsky! We've got a lot of ground to cover!" She tries to pry out what is happening but he's just pushing her towards her bedroom, screaming at her to suit up. It only takes her five minutes to become presentable but Barney keeps tapping his foot like an impatient child the entire time. By the time they've settled into a cab, Barney still hasn't told her where they're going, and he doesn't before the cab stops short in front of a large apartment complex on Upper East Side, somewhere between their place and MacLaren's. "What's going on Barney?" she looks into his eyes and they are light and playful, but most importantly happy. "We're here to look at an apartment," he says matter of factly before opening his door and leaving. "We are?" she says, and he nods. Then all the color disappears from his face. "I mean, if you still want to live together that is, because if you've changed your mind I totally underst..." he's cut off by her lips. She smiles and takes his arm, pulling him into the building.

They end up looking at three apartments that day. The first one feeling too small for them, the second was too far away from their friends. The third one though, the third one was amazing. It's about the same size as Barney's apartment, and it has a large living area combined with the kitchen, which they both agree is perfect for having their friends over. The bedroom is large and has huge windows, with a great view over Manhattan. There's also a spare bedroom, which they don't know what to do with. They have a lot of fun coming up with ideas though. Laser tag room? Storage for Robin's guns?

They get the apartment - of course - and moves in three weeks later. Until then they sleep in Robin's old room at Ted's, and Barney's not going to lie. He finds it super hot when Robin tries to keep quiet when they have sex.

On moving day everyone helps out, and they start at Barney's place. Barney keeps asking her if she really is fine with going back and she keeps assuring him that she is. When the first round of boxes goes to the new apartment Lily and Robin join it. And so a system is set up. Barney and Ted pack the stuff at the old apartment, Marshall ships it to the new one, and Lily and Robin unload the boxes at the new place. Lily is absolutely in love with the new apartment, spends several minutes just roaming and adoring the place. "I'm so happy for you guys" she squeals and brings Robin in for a hug. Robin laughs and says "Thanks, I know that you guys have been a little skeptical to..." she makes a vague gesture "Everything, but I appreciate the support". Lily just smiles and gives Robin's arms a little squeeze. "Marshall and I actually think that you two are perfect for each other you know". Robin raises her eyebrows at this. She did not know this. "We're just worried for you two. I mean, you've barely been together for six months and now you've bought an apartment together? It just seems to go so fast" It did. It all went crazy fast. "It does. But it feels right." "I get that, I just wish you would talk to me more about it so I didn't worry so much" Lily gave a dramatic sigh but Robin only chuckled. "Please, Mrs. Control Freak, you only want all the gossip" They laugh at this before silently going back to work. After a few silent moments, Robin utters "He told me he loved me in Sweden" and Lily jumps at this, screaming and giggling and Robin can't help but join in.

When Marshall arrives with the second round of boxes he looks uncomfortable. "I don't think you understand the amount of crazy stuff we've been throwing out today" and Robin's heart misses a beat at this. He kept all of those things for a reason, and now he was throwing them out because of her. Part of her felt ashamed, but mostly her stomach fluttered over how significant this was. He certainly was serious about her, and judging by Lily and Marshall's looks, they were thinking the same.

When the guys arrive with the last round of stuff they eat take-out Chinese from the place bellow Robin and Barney's new apartment on the floor since they don't have a table or chairs yet. Then they toast over cheap beer. By the time their friends leave it's almost 10:00 PM, but Barney nor Robin is tired. "So" Barney murmurs. "New apartment" and Robin hum in response, grabbing him by the sleeves of his shirt and pulling him close. "Up for an inauguration?" "Of course," she whispers. "Any suggestions where?" he says, his hands slowly sliding up under her shirt. She makes a thinking sound, humming a little. "I mean, I really would like you to take me on the kitchen table. But since we have none yet that will have to wait". This earned her a deep groan from Barney. "God woman" he groans, all while picking her up and backing them up against the wall. "The things you do to me" and Robin chuckles darkly, only to stop halfway to moan when Barney starts kissing her neck. They end up having their first sex in the new apartment against the wall.

Barney is very much aware that Ted and Marshall don't believe that Barney actually sold his apartment, but he did. It went to some dude named Steve and his wife, but Barney never told them about all of his systems, and every once in awhile he and Robin have a lot of fun imagining all the ways they might find said systems.

-

Robin waked up the following morning curled into Barney's chest. His legs were tangled with hers and she felt warm and safe. The logic part of her kept saying that it was too early to think about forever, but her heart kept screaming _this is it._

**Author's Note:**

> P.L.E.A.S.E tell me what you thought of this!
> 
> I'm thinking about perhaps making this into a collection of works, but we'll see. I happen to have even worse commitment issues than Barney Stinson.
> 
> XOXO


End file.
